It Definitely Is
by Beckykins
Summary: After season 2, Alex wakes up from her coma. What will happen in the weeks and months that follow?
1. Chapter 1

**My very first A2A story, please be nice, and reviews and constructive criticism would be super :) **

He didn't know why he came here every day. He didn't know why he brought her flowers every week on a Friday either, especially when she couldn't see them and didn't know they were there. He didn't know why he held her hand or asked her advice. He knew she couldn't feel the brief contact of his hand on hers or answer him back. And he definitely didn't know why he didn't tell Chris and Shaz.

They noticed. They noticed he didn't come into Luigi's as early, if at all. They noticed how much pressure he was under now, how he looked at Alex's desk as though asking her to help him. She wasn't there.

Every day he would ask the nurses how she was and if there was any change. There never was. Sometimes he imagined she squeezed his hand or her eyes moved beneath her eyelids. They didn't. The doctors told him there was still brain activity and therefore there was still hope. Keep talking... she might wake up...

Guilty, he felt guilty. She was right about King Douglas Lane, he should've listened. She was always bloody right. Why hadn't he trusted her? If he had maybe she wouldn't have been shot...

Alex had been in a coma for six weeks, five days and 23 hours. Not that he was counting. Time moved slowly on. Cases came and went. Things happened. He kept visiting her, kept on talking to her, kept asking her doctors and her nurses if there was any change. There never was.

He wasn't there when she finally woke up. He couldn't believe it when her nurse told him Alex was awake. He felt tense, nervous. Would she remember him sitting by her bedside every night? Did she remember him begging her to wake up, to help him? He thought about not going in to see her. But Shaz had gone home to Essex for the weekend and Chris was, well... Chris and he didn't want Alex to think they didn't care about her, that they weren't thinking about her. So he bought a bunch of grapes and a balloon that said 'Get Well Soon!' He talked again to her doctor and to her nurse. His heart lurched. She'd only said one word since she'd come round, "Gene..."

Of course that's what she'd say. The nurse showed him in. Now she was awake, still drowsy from the drugs, she seemed paler somehow. Her eyes were even bigger and shinier and greener than he remembered. She blinked, still groggy. And she just looked at him and this time, she said his name.

"Ray..?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Many thanks for the supportive reviews, author alerts etc. :) **

He didn't know why he felt so awkward. It certainly didn't help that the first thing she said to him was, "Where's the Guv?" and he had to explain Gene had skipped the country. When she almost cried and started to protest, he just said, "Alex... don't." She looked at him, square in the eye. He never called her 'Alex.' Too tired to explain, he made his excuses and left.

The next day was a Sunday. Thankfully, Shaz was back and Ray took her to see Alex. Shaz just made this little noise when she saw her, an excited little half-squeal as she flung herself into Alex's arms. Ray was relieved. He had forgotten how much the girls could talk and it meant he didn't have to say anything. That was easier...

The next day, Chris and Shaz had to go to see a florist about the wedding. Ray still didn't want to let Alex down; he went to see her as soon as visiting hours started. "The doctor said I can go home tomorrow..." Alex told him, fidgeting nervously with the edge of the hospital bed sheet.

Ray smiled. "That's great," he told her, meeting her eyes but then looking at his hands again quickly.

"They won't let me go without explaining to someone else about what pills I have to take and when I should take them and what to do if there were complications..."

Ray had forgotten how fast Alex could talk sometimes.

"... So I was thinking maybe you could ask Shaz if she could..."

"Don't be daft!" he said, maybe a little too rapidly. "I can do it. I can be here and I can take you home." He knew what she was thinking. She wanted the Guv, he should be here.

"Oh..." Her eyes widened. "Thanks, Ray."

Shaz helped him pick some clothes out of Alex's wardrobe for her to go home in and then went with him to Tesco's to pick up some groceries for when she got home. Ray was picking Alex up at three and he had time to kill so he went to get petrol and chain smoke and on the spur of the moment, picked Alex up some flowers. Arriving on the ward at exactly 3.00 p.m. he felt awkward and nervous and he still didn't know why. He had no idea why he cared so much, women never normally had him anxious or worried. When she was in her coma it wasn't difficult to be around her, to talk to her, even to hold her hand. He didn't say 'Hello,' he just handed her the carrier bag of clothes Shaz had picked out for her and then the bunch of roses, as if it wasn't a big deal. Alex smiled, surprised and grateful. Ray waited outside while she changed and then he took her to the pharmacy to pick up her tablets. He felt his eyes glaze as the pharmacist went through all the pills she had to take: pink painkiller in the morning, yellow at night, the red and white capsule if she felt nauseous, antibiotics, steroids...

A nurse helped them fill in Alex's discharge papers. Ray signed a declaration to say he understood how to take care of her and then the nurse asked, "Are you Ms. Drake's partner?"

"No!" he snapped, a little too fast. He looked at Alex, who was blushing. "I mean, no, we work together."

The nurse nodded and wrote 'colleague' in the box that read, 'relationship to patient' that he must have missed.

He had borrowed the green squad car and the drive home was mostly silent. Alex looked weak as a kitten and desperately sad. He could tell she was thinking about the Guv again. When they arrived at her flat, Ray carried Alex's holdall up the stairs and then sorted all the tablets in the pill box the hospital had provided. There were so many- five every day- it made his head spin a little. He'd made Alex sit on the sofa and watch the news and he was so preoccupied with getting this right, not screwing this up, making her tea and trying not to burn her toast he didn't hear her calling his name or even come into the kitchen.

"Ray... Ray! Earth to DS Carling!"

"DI Carling, actually," he corrected. "Since... everyone got moved up."

"Moved up?" she asked, confused.

Maybe this wasn't the time to tell her but it was too late now. "They said if you woke up..." he sighed. "Congratulations on the promotion, DCI Drake."

Alex let out a long, shaky breath and leaned against the kitchen table for support. "He's really not coming back, is he?"

"Oh, shit... Alex..." He could see the tears threatening. Ray thanked God they were interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Alex wiped away a stray tear and went to answer. He heard her say, "Hello? Hi, Shaz... fine, I'm okay..."

Things were suddenly infinitely more complicated.


	3. Chapter 3

Everything was different. It wasn't just because it said 'DCI Alex Drake' on the door to the Guv's former office; everything was colder and more clinical somehow. Ray felt it. It was Alex's first day back at work and he was feeling very protective of her. After all, he had promised the Guv before he went to Spain he would protect Alex... that he would look after her. It was more than that, he found himself actually wanting to look after her, to be with her. Checking to see that Chris, Shaz and the others were distracted, Ray snuck into Alex's new office, without knocking. Her head snapped up from the paperwork she was looking over. To Ray, she just looked tired, pale and really not well enough to be here but she had insisted she come in today. Her features softened when she saw it was him and she gave him a little, sad smile. "You alright, Alex, ma'am?" he asked her, wondering if they were going to pretend Saturday night never happened...

He'd told her to call, anytime. She never did, she was so damn stubborn and independent so he knew it had to be serious when his phone rang and it was her. She was crying down the phone and not making a lot of sense. "I'll be there in three minutes, love, just hang on..." He ran. His heart pounded in his chest and his lungs screamed. The door was unlocked when he arrived and he found her curled up on the floor, clutching her stomach where the scar from the bullet lay. "Alex!" He ran over to her, her face was pale and awash with tears as she clung to him.

"I couldn't remember!" she sobbed. "Which pill am I supposed to take for extreme pain?"

"Green, the green one." Maybe he had been listening when the pharmacist was talking. He went to her pill box and got her a green tablet, forgetting the glass of water in his haste. She took it from him and dry swallowed, choking a little. He helped her up and onto the sofa, laying her down and perching on the edge next to her. "Fifteen minutes," he said. "That's how long the pharmacist says it takes to kick in. You'll be okay in quarter of an hour." Sliding, his arms underneath her shoulders, he supported her weight. Not entirely sure how lucid she was, he was surprised when her grip tightened on his arm. His breath hitched. He'd never seen his DCI so vulnerable. Gradually, his heart stopped pounding and her tears stopped. Then he realized something... Alex Drake had him, Ray Carling, scared. He glanced at the clock and it read 00:58.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity she looked up at him, her eyes red. "Thanks, I'm okay now."

Neither of them moved and Ray found himself wondering as he held her if this was what it had been like between her and the Guv. Had they done this? More? Had the Guv seen her this raw and vulnerable before? And since when had he cared or wanted to be Alex Drake's knight in shining armour? When had he stopped resenting her?

"Nah, I'll stay a bit longer, make sure you're okay." He still didn't move.

She sat up, gingerly testing her stomach muscles, fingers pressing against her tender flesh.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ray pressed. "It's not infected?"

"It's not infected, I just forgot to take my tablets," Alex explained. "I must have fallen asleep and I woke up panicking, and..." she trailed off.

It was strange. It was strange when Ray lifted up her top without asking to look at the wound and she didn't tense at his touch. He saw there was no redness, no heat and no swelling. She was right; it didn't look infected to him. "You should sleep," he said. "You need to rest." He stood so she could lie down. He arranged her pillows, pulled the blanket back over her and smoothed down her hair, just once. It earned him the tiniest of smiles. He liked her hair shorter and straight, he thought it suited her. Sitting down in the chair, he watched as she closed her eyes. It wasn't even a question: he stayed, making sure she was okay until long after the sun rose.

... They definitely were not going to talk about it on Monday morning.


	4. Chapter 4

Layton escaped. Layton. Had. Escaped. When Viv brought them the intelligence Ray could see how scared, no, terrified, Alex was. He had no idea what had happened in 1981. All he knew was this lowlife had his normally hard-as-nails DCI petrified. He found her on the roof after she'd climbed the fire escape, her hands clutching a metal railing, gasping for air. He rushed over to her.

"I can't... breathe," she told him, "I just can't breathe..."

"Okay." Ray knew a full-blown panic attack when he saw one. "You're alright." He put one of his hands over hers and calmly rubbed her back. "Breathe nice 'n' slow, love." He continued to talk to her quietly, "You're okay, sshhh..." As the minutes ticked by he saw and heard her breathing return to normal, even if she did still look white as a sheet. Standing there in silence, he soothingly stroked little circles over her shoulder blades. Their breath made little puffs in the November air and he shrugged off his jacket, draping it around her. Drawing her closer he asked, "You alright?" She nodded but didn't speak.

The silence was only broken by Shaz who had followed them to make sure her superior officer was okay. Ray kept hold of Alex. "I'm taking her home," he said.

"No!" Alex protested. "I'm fine, I just needed some air," she told Shaz, looking at Ray, her eyes imploring him not to tell the younger woman she'd panicked.

CID was subdued and quiet. Everyone was working hard on nailing Layton, knowing how much it had rattled their DCI. Alex kept on working, even as everyone left one-by-one. Even thought it was gone 11.00 p.m. she was still furiously brainstorming on a piece of paper, only her and Ray present.

"Alex?" he said from the doorway. She didn't look up or even stop. "Come on, 'Lex..." Ray gently took the pen from her hand and she finally looked up at him. "It's late and you haven't eaten all day..." He pulled a Marathon bar from his pocket and placed it on the desk in front of her. He'd got it from the vending machine for her earlier but didn't want to give it to her in front of the team; he didn't need them to think he'd gone soft.

She refused to meet his eyes. "Thanks, I'm not really hungry..."

"Okay... I've got a tin of tomato soup at my place, we'll split it... Alex." He put his index finger under her chin and gently drew her chin up until she was looking at him. "I ain't asking."

They walked in silence; Ray's house was only five minutes from the station. He'd taken her coat once they were safely inside, and made her sit on the sofa in front of the TV while he heated the soup and made toast. He watched her with the soup; she looked like she was trying to swallow glass with every mouthful, barely finishing half her dinner. Ray washed up, noticing it was edging 12:30 a.m. Alex was pretending to watch 'Mr. Smith Goes to Washington' on TV.

"Look, why don't you stay?" he suggested, drying his hands on a tea towel. "Have the bed; I'll kip on the settee."

"No," she said. "I don't want to be by myself."

The look she gave him made Ray swallow hard. "It's not a good idea, Alex..."

"I didn't mean... we could take a sofa each?"

Ray nodded. That sounded reasonable. "Fair enough." He could probably handle that even though the thought made him nervous as hell. She didn't seem to mind that she was sleeping in his old shirt, and that he had no nice shampoo or soaps for her to use, or that they were going to sleep under old duvets that had definitely seen better days.

Alex tried to settle on the sofa in the dark. Eventually, she whispered, "Ray?"

"Mmm?" He was half-asleep.

She didn't say anything, just reaching for his hand in the dark and he found hers, squeezing back. Next morning when he woke up, Ray was still holding Alex Drake's hand...


	5. Chapter 5

November melted easily into December. Seven months since Alex was shot. To Ray's surprise there were no dramatics with Layton. He'd been caught the next day in Solihull and Ray had asked Birmingham to deal with him so Alex wouldn't get upset.

Ray worried about Alex at Christmas. He knew she still missed the Guv desperately, not to mention her little girl. Luckily, Shaz's mum had invited them all over for Christmas and Boxing Day and sixteen people crammed into a three-bed semi had taken her mind off it. New Year's Eve had been the usual at Luigi's. Ray hadn't even kissed Alex as 1982 had merged into 1983, he just held her tight and tried to shield the fact she was crying into his shoulder from the others. On New Year's Day, Alex had invited Ray over for a quiet dinner with no alcohol (it was her New Year's resolution to cut down.) They were sat on her floor next to each other, their backs against the sofa, watching 'Dallas.' Ray had been surprised but not disappointed when she'd answered the door with no make-up on, wearing sweatpants and woolly socks. He thought she was gorgeous, nevertheless. They sat in companionable silence, sipping hot cocoa. Ray looped his little finger through hers and she smiled. Finished with his cup, he placed it on the coffee table and she mirrored his action. Is this what the Guv felt like? Is this why he fought so hard to protect her, why he'd run away? Alex definitely, somehow managed to be the toughest, strongest woman he'd ever met, yet at the same time sending off the most vulnerable, 'save me' vibe that maybe men just couldn't help but act upon. He didn't know when he'd started to have these feelings for her; he just knew that he did, even though he knew how wrong it would be to get involved with his DCI. Ray was deeply afraid of rejection, because why would she feel the same way about him? On the other hand... it was him she was calling when she was afraid of the fireworks on Guy Fawkes's night, and she had gone Christmas shopping with him when he'd had no idea what to buy Chris and Shaz. What did all those things mean?

He stared at their interlinked fingers and then into her beautiful eyes. She looked so pretty and soft and vulnerable... all he wanted to do was protect her. It was time he stopped questioning what he felt for her. So he didn't speak, he just leaned over and pressed his lips to hers, so relieved when she didn't pull away. Then he kissed the side of her mouth, her cheek, her forehead, and it was when he kissed her nose she giggled.

"It tickles," she said.

"What?"

"My nose, my nose is ticklish."

It suddenly occurred to Ray, 90% of the time she made absolutely no sense to him. He didn't care. 'Dallas' was finishing and it was getting later. He hauled both of them off the floor and onto her sofa. Alex curled up against his chest and he put his arm around her shoulders. They didn't really speak, she just snuggled into his side and he would kiss her occasionally, his hand rubbing up and down her arm, soothing her to sleep. He picked up the blue blanket she kept on the back of the sofa and draped it over them, knowing he couldn't move too much or she would wake up.

It was late. It was late and he was dozing, snuggled up with his DCI. Something had changed between them, imperceptibly shifting, just a little.

The knock at the door startled him.

He knew she never had visitors this late, so who would be hammering on her door after midnight, making her jump and scaring her half to death?

Ray groaned and hung onto her. "Leave it, love," he said, "It's probably Chris."

"Why would it be Chris?" Alex asked, bleary-eyed and stumbling for the door.

It wasn't Chris... it wasn't Chris at all...


	6. Chapter 6

Ray didn't sleep that night. He'd scurried off out of her flat without a word, cold, hard fury burning in his throat.

Shit. Maybe he should just run away to Spain, get away from here. Just when he was turning his life around... finally he'd made DI and *finally* he'd found a girl he really liked and then...

It was 11.00 a.m. before he actually decided he was going to work. Alex was back in the squad room with them and already the door to the office read 'DCI Gene Hunt' again. Didn't take him long...

He could feel Alex looking at him, but he wasn't going to look at her, see her pity. He felt... he felt like an idiot. For believing she had feelings for him, for believing he was doing anything other than keeping Hunt's girl warm for him while he was hiding out.

For two hours Ray sulked and snarled at anyone that tried to speak to him and he certainly didn't look at Alex. Eventually, he stormed off to make a cup of tea and chain smoke in the kitchen and Ray wasn't at all surprised when Alex followed.

"Ray..." she said.

He continued to ignore her.

"Ray..."

DC Terry came in to make a cup of coffee but was warned off from entering by Alex's glare.

"Ray..." She was pleading with him now. She put her hands on his upper arms and made him turn around and look at her. "Come on..."

He couldn't exactly ignore her then. "Nice night was it, Alex?" he grimaced.

"It's not like that," she told him. "I didn't know he was coming back and he left, I told him to go and he didn't stay. And... I tried to sleep but I couldn't because I'm so confused..."

It was only then Ray noticed how pale and tired she looked.

"...Because he shot me and now D & C are involved and... and everything feels *so* wrong," she continued. "I spent months wanting him back and now..." Eventually she trailed off. "Say something..."

Ray was about to speak when Terry tried to make coffee again.

"Piss off, Terry!" she yelled. "This is a private conversation, DI's only, recently usurped or otherwise. There's a vending machine in the damn corridor!"

With that, Terry scuttled off, getting the message.

"I was the one who was there..." Ray started.

"I know..."

"I was the one who drove you home from hospital when you were skinny as a greyhound and made sure you had dinner..."

"You bought me a curry!" she cut in.

"Well it was better than being in pissin' Malaga, wasn't it!" Ray exploded, causing Shaz to look up.

"Yeah..." She nodded, biting her lip.

Ray thought she looked adorable.

She put one arm around his neck and pulled him close. It felt like she stood there holding him forever, all the while he traced little circles on her lower back.

"Well, well, well, very cosy," came Gene's voice from the doorway. "I told you to look after her, Ray, not shag 'er!"

Alex pulled back, confusion and hurt in her eyes, "What?"

"Alex," Ray said. "I can explain..."

She let out a little strangled laugh. "And here was me thinking you actually cared about me."

"Alex, I... shit!" Ray could only watch as she pushed Gene aside and bolted for the door. "Alex!" Ray called after her, but she was already gone.


	7. Chapter 7

In retrospect, asking Chris what to buy Alex to say sorry hadn't been the smartest idea in the world. He'd never cared enough to buy any girl a gift to apologize before and he wasn't sure how to play it. He was sorry; he should have told her what the Guv had asked him to do straight away. Then again, he *did* care about her, he didn't just do it for the Guv and he had to make her see that, make things right with her. No-one had seen her since she'd run out and the Guv was sulking in a corner of Luigi's alone so she definitely wasn't with him.

Ray just prayed no-one would see him carrying his gift up to Alex's flat. He felt like such a poof. What if he did all this and she still hated him? Blocking out those thoughts, he took a deep breath and knocked on her door.

"Go away!" He heard her snap from the other side.

He knocked again.

"I said go away!"

"Alex, come on, it's me," he said through the door.

"I don't want to see you right now, Ray."

"Please, open up; give me two minutes... come on, 'Lex, I'm sorry." There. He'd said it.

She angrily swung the door open... and burst out laughing.

"I know, alright?" he told her, embarrassed. "So... do you want it? I am sorry, Alex." He held out the four-foot tall stuffed bear towards her.

She actually smiled as she took it from him.

Ray shuffled awkwardly on the spot. "Okay... so..."

"Do you want to come in?" she asked.

"Just for a minute, then." Ray followed her inside and she sat the oversized animal in the chair. For lack of anywhere else to sit, he perched uncomfortably on the sofa beside her.

"Is that supposed to be a peace offering?" she asked, gesturing to the bear.

Ray nodded and again he said, "I'm sorry, Alex."

"I know," Alex assured him. She looked at him and gently placed her hand over his. He flinched in surprise, causing her to wince a little. "Do you want to be friends?"

"What?"

"I can't promise anything... I need some space, I need to be by myself for a while, so, do you want to be friends... for now?" She gave his hand a little squeeze.

He actually smiled, for once; she actually made sense to him. She was still fragile, healing. Neither of them knew how it was going to work out, the Guv being back, them both being DI's again. He realised she was looking at him with expectant eyes, seeming just a little fearful of rejection. Being friends for now made perfect sense.

"Course I do!" He tried to shrug off the tension between them. "You think I give just any girl a four-foot bear?"

Alex looked at the present he'd given her and smiled.

"Here, does this mean we still get to see E.T. tomorrow night?" Ray asked.

Alex laughed. "It definitely does," she told him, giving him a grateful hug. "It definitely does."


End file.
